Best (Fake) Obituary 2012

Esquire magazine has a strong knack for packing each issue with cynical humor including the following fake obituary by long-time writer A.J. Jacobs. Along with the golden nugget of a quote in The Fatherhood Edition of Esquire magazine comes this hilarious piece of writing…

SHOCK, 12,500, IS DEAD

Shock, a combined emotion of surprise and disgust expressed in reaction to violation of a taboo, died Saturday night. The cause was the debut of the new Nicki Minaj video in which an Orthodox rabbi, an imam, a Joe Biden impersonator, and Tim Conway engage in a circle jerk with Minaj herself. The video, seen by millions, caused a range of emotions, from boredom to ennui, but failed to elicit Shock.

“At this points, it’s more sad than anything else,” said Prian Pacetti, 34, a Vermont sports-equipment marketer. “Show me something I haven’t seen,” said Lubavitcher rabbi Yaniv Levine, adding, “She’s a stupid ho.”

Shock was born in the Paleolithic Era when hunter-gatherer societies developed the notions of morality and behavioral limits. Thanks to its ability to rattle mainstream complacency, Shock became an integral part of countercultural art, appearing everywhere from Restoration comedies to D.H. Lawrence to Elvis Presley.

But attempts to evoke Shock became increasingly desperate. Death was attributed to a catastrophic loss of meaning. It is survived by a Vague Sense of Tedium.

Tags | catastrophic loss, circle jerk, cynical humor, d h lawrence, elvis presley, esquire magazine, golden nugget, hunter gatherer societies, j jacobs, joe biden, lubavitcher, nicki minaj, notions of morality, orthodox rabbi, pacetti, tim conway, time writer, vague sense, vermont sports, yaniv